Heretic!

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John Gfoeller (Facebook) – 5/7/16

I saw a man standing on the side of a bridge, about to jump. So I shouted at him, “Wait, don’t do it!” So he turned to me, with a tear in his eye, and I noticed a cross on him.

I got excited, and asked, “Are you a Christian?”
“Yes,” he said.
“Are you Orthodox, Catholic, or Protestant?”
“Orthodox.”

I got more excited, and came closer. “Are you Russian Orthodox, or Greek Orthodox?”
“Russian Orthodox.”
“Me too! Are you Pro-Ecumenist Russian Orthodox, or Anti-Ecumenist Russian Orthodox?”
“Anti-Ecumenist Russian Orthodox.”

“Ah, same here! Now are you a New Calendar Anti-Ecumenist Russian Orthodox, or an Old Calendar Anti-Ecumenist Russian Orthodox?”
“Old Calendar Anti-Ecumenist Russian Orthodox.”
“Very good! Are you a New Ritualist Old Calendar Anti-Ecumenist Russian Orthodox, or an Old Ritualist Old Calendar Anti-Ecumenist Russian Orthodox?”

“New Ritualist Old Calendar Anti-Ecumenist Russian Orthodox.”
“A New Ritualist Old Calendar Anti-Ecumenist Old-Man Trinity icon-using Russian Orthodox, or a New Ritualist Old Calendar Anti-Ecumenist non-Old-Man Trinity icon-using Russian Orthodox?”

“A New Ritualist Old Calendar Anti-Ecumenist non-Old-Man Trinity icon-using Russian Orthodox.”
“Same here! Are you a New Ritualist Old Calendar Anti-Ecumenist non-pew-using non-Old-Man Trinity icon-using Russian Orthodox, or a New Ritualist Old Calendar Anti-Ecumenist pew-using non-Old-Man Trinity icon-using Russian Orthodox?”

“A New Ritualist Old Calendar Anti-Ecumenist non-pew-using non-Old-Man Trinity icon-using Russian Orthodox.”
“Amazing, so am I! Say, how thick is your priest’s beard?”
“Oh, he’s clean shaven.”

I pushed him off the bridge and yelled “Heretic!”

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